'It's a shame you have to do it that way... Are you sure the baby won't move?'
Comments from strangers and relatives have left me convinced that the c section stigma is alive and kicking.
Women are amazing. Our bodies can do amazing things. We can carry life that starts out the size of a poppy seed and then transforms into a full grown baby over 9 months. We put up with the nausea, the vomiting all because we choose to bring life into this world. We sacrifice our bodies. We sacrifice our vices all in favour of supporting human life.
Before I delve any further into this topic I want to make a quick disclaimer, women who cannot have kids are no less women than those who can. We are so much more than what our uterus can and cannot do.
Yet us women are always competing with each other aren't we? It's all in the subtle undertones, the hints that we give off.
Childbirth and pregnancy is a natural wonder of nature. That doesn't mean that nature was kind. Or that it's a perfect system.
If it were perfect, women would have mandatory orgasms to get pregnant. Men would carry the baby 50% of the time. Childbirth would be painless. Nature can be finicky and the slightest deviation can mean things can go wrong. Cervix not dilated enough? Baby's head caught on the pubic bone? Baby facing wrong way? Placenta in the way of a vaginal delivery? Labour not progressing? Incompetent cervix? Within the realm of natural birth things do not always go smoothly. Sometimes an emergency c section is the only viable option.
A lot of the stigma that surrounds c sections is the belief that natural labour is best but just because something is 'natural' doesn't mean it is perfect. Ever experienced the pain of wisdom teeth coming through? well that is a 'natural' process but far from perfect. Nature is flawed. Childbirth may be natural but it can also be very flawed.
With medical advancement, a lot of us forget that in the victorian era, it was very common for women to die in childbirth. There were no c sections available, the doctors who delivered the baby did not sanitise their hands, infections spread and infant mortality was very high. In fact if it wasn't for the medical advancement today, I would refuse to have children. There is no way I would risk my life. Unfortunately few women had that choice back then.
Some women are lucky enough to have a straight forward labour, my mother was one of them. She had three kids all natural, no pain killers. She didn't even know she was in labour. Maybe she has a high pain threshold but for her having children was no big deal. Few women I know have also had varying degrees of what my mother experienced.
Other women are not so lucky, they can experience excruciating pain. Hours and hours of endless labour. Or severe vomiting from the beginning till the end of pregnancy (hyperemesis gravidarum) to the point of hospitalisation like Kate Middleton...who decided to have three. She must really like kids. If I were her I would have stopped at one and told my husband to rack off.
For me a c section is mandatory. My child is very comfortable where she lays as I write this. She is in a transverse lie, has remained there and I am now well into the third trimester. For me to give birth naturally would be death sentence. If I was in the Victorian era... I'd be dead at 30. Possibly even younger.
The c section is the safest option for me. It's fine with me. I had been to antenatal classes and seen the stages of labour. It wasn't particularly appealing and neither was the c section mind you, but at least I could plan around it. There is definitely no 'easy way out' when it comes to delivering a baby.
Kate Winslet experienced 'c section shame' and later admitted that she was embarrassed that her first child had been born via c section. That her 'womanly hips' had not served their purpose. That she had somehow failed as a woman.
Is it any wonder that men run the world when we are insecure about the very way in which we deliver babies? Never mind that we have carried a baby for 9 months...if the delivery process wasn't perfect (through no fault of our own) shame on us!
C section mothers are vilified for this. They are told they 'wouldn't understand real labour' that they are not 'real women'. Is it just me or is the fact that we can have children at all amazing? That what we should be focussing on is a healthy mother and child. Who cares whether or not a woman pushed the baby out through natural labour or a c section. It doesn't impact whether or not you're going to be a good parent.
Comments I have received include:
'It's a shame you have to do it that way... Are you sure the baby won't move?'
The baby hasn't moved and the Doctor says its unlikely that she will. It's not a shame. It's actually convenient.
'But c sections are soooooo risky.'
You know what's more risky than a c section? Me attempting to give birth naturally.
'But your baby's immune system will be less healthy with a c section than natural labour.'
My baby will die if I don't get a c section, so I'm not concerned about immunity, also the baby has received some of my immunity already and will continue to receive it if I breast feed. No biggie. Thanks for your concern.
'You don't understand what it's like to go through labour so your birth doesn't count.'
Congratulations, you managed to push a baby out of your vagina. Do you want a medal? I'll give you the 'I'm the most obnoxious woman who ever gave birth' medal because you've definitely won that.
Truthfully, in spite of all of the above comments I am not bothered at all by my upcoming c section. All I want is a safe delivery for baby and I.
I am not ashamed of the fact that I'm getting a c section. I'm proud of the medical advancements that are available to women like myself. I like being in control of when I can give birth. I'm a planner so a c section is what's going to work for my husband and I.
Enough judgment please.
Let's get on with the wonderful, yet onerous job of being parents. My time is coming up so the nerves are kicking in.
Thanks for reading!
xx
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