To all the mothers, I am sorry

This year has really been a whirlwind.

I welcomed my first child into the world on 20 March.

To say that it's been a huge change is an understatement. But I have an apology to make. That apology is to all the mothers out there who I did not understand...at least before I had my daughter.

I'm sorry that I failed to understand why you could not be on time. I used to think that it was as simple as shoving your child into the carseat and starting the ignition. I mean what is so hard about that? You just grab the kid and go right?....

I did not understand that infants need to be fed on demand. That they can have a poo explosion at any time. A crying fit for no reason. All these things can contribute to punctuality. Not to mention the sheer amount of things you need to pack for simple outings that may last an hour or two. Have I got the formula? the bibs? the bottles? the plastic bags to put dirty nappies? the spare change of clothes (or two)? the change mat? not to mention my own belongings. I am exhausted before I am even out the door sometimes..and it's not just from the lack of sleep. It's from how much more complicated my life just got.

I am sorry to the mothers who I judged for having a crying baby on airplanes. I wouldn't dare have the courage to try that one anytime soon.

I am sorry for the looks I gave you when your pram nearly took me out. Prams are big and awkward. They are hard to manoeuvre and I myself have nearly taken people out in lifts with my pram. (Sorry to the nice understanding lady in the lift yesterday). I am not aware of how big this pram is and am getting used to it myself.

Then theres the judgment I gave while you breast fed. I thought that mothers could just pull out the 'modesty bib/blanket' and get on with it. Why did I need to see the nipples? I now get it. Getting a baby to latch on is hard enough without fussing over whether anyone is watching. If you think that mothers should express milk before going out in public.. expect them to be another 90 minutes late. Expressing milk from a pump takes time. It's also super draining.

The point is that your baby needs to be fed. Have you tried reasoning with a hungry newborn? Yes... good luck. Also once that latch is in place.. you're stuck there for the next 40 minutes. Breast feeding sure isn't as easy as it looks.

I'm sorry.

I am sorry for the ignorance I had when it came to hospital visitations. While I didn't visit my friends in the hospital, I didn't think visiting was a crime. That is.. until I had my own child.

Have you ever tried to recover from major abdominal surgery, had your breasts leaking everywhere, blood pouring out of you, been sleep deprived, trying to work out your newborn and then having to deal with visitors on top of that?

I was not aware of this little thing called 'Baby Blues' which emerges around day three after childbirth. It happens and it is very real.Your body is a mess. Your emotions are a mess. Having a child is over whelming. Some women may be fine with visitations.  I wasn't one of them but up until having a child. I wasn't aware.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry to the working mothers who I secretly envied for having jobs where they could have a day or two off a week to look after their kids. I envisioned it like a holiday. Wow.

After spending 24/7 with my newborn for a week. I want to run back to work. Or talk to any adult. The postman? The midwife? I need adult company. I'll chat to anyone over the age of 18.

Having a child is a full time job. Except it's not 9 to 5.

It's  a 24/7 job with no payment. Yet, for every smile my newborn gives me. I wouldn't have it any other way.

When mothers tell you that nothing prepares you for childbirth they are right.

So on behalf of  the young-ignorant-childfree me. I am sorry to all the mothers out there.