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Sydney... it's time you and I had a little chat..

Dear Sydney,

You and I have been together a long time.

You have seen me grow up and I have seen you evolve into the scenic beautiful city that you are today. You leave me spoilt with choice when it comes to food and restaurants and yes the harbour is very pretty.   I know how lucky I am to live here and as a warning the majority of this piece is regarding first world problems.

There is no such thing as perfect, most large cities will have some pitfalls. Maybe I am getting older or maybe you were always like this, it just bothered me a lot less.

Lets start with some basics..

 Sydney, Where have your manners gone?

I caught the train into town the other day and saw a heavily pregnant woman standing up on her own when it was 35 degrees.

No one moved or offered this woman a seat (including me because I was standing up too). This used to be a standard social norm, if someone needs a seat more than you, you should offer it to them. You let her down Sydney.

To the young man watching a music video in the same carriage, no I do not care about the tinny noise that comes from headphones when the music is too loud. I just want you to try and wear headphones. Ya know.. if it's not too much trouble. After all you are not the only one on this train carriage. Mind Blowing right?! While you may think that your music is great and worthy of our time. The majority of us are just trying to get somewhere in peace. You let me down Sydney. 

To the lovely woman on her phone, we all love to chat in our own time, however the train is a public space, the issue is that we can all hear you and we do not want to hear you. Now do not get me wrong, I am fine with quick courtesy calls such as 'I'm on my way' etc. Do I want to hear details about your sex life? Not really...how about we save that one for home? You let me down Sydney. 

To the several men who casually stroll into the carriage, manspread and make themselves comfortable by putting their feet up on the seats. I'm sorry did I walk into your lounge room? mate you are in a public space. The seats do not belong to you. That seat is not your foot rest. Yes I will stare at you until you move your feet. Why? because I am passive aggressive like that. You let me down Sydney.

Hello, I am a Sydney train. Sometimes I stop at your station, and sometimes I don't. Why? because fuck you, that's why. Peak hour? I don't care. I am not going to stop at your station. Did you want the train to move faster? sorry... that's probably asking too much. That would be efficient. Efficient is something that Sydney is not. Maybe I should move to Tokyo? You let me down Sydney. 

We have a wonderful third  first world transport system. Air conditioning on the train? in summer?! wow that is really asking for luxury. Especially when our summers are not particularly hot by global standards... Just sit on the sticky seat with the body heat of the crowds. You'll live. You let me down Sydney. 

 Want to get anywhere 12pm on a Saturday? Just give up. You let me down Sydney. 

So you took a wrong turn and just want to get to the next suburb? It's easy right? well not if you live in Sydney. Sydney roads have no logic. If you take a wrong turn...there is no going back. Just give up. To the wanker drivers who tailgate me for going the speed limit: I see what you're doing and yes I will slow down if you continue to tailgate me. Patience is a virtue that does not exist. You let me down Sydney.

 Want to secure a park within a 10 minute walking radius of the train station? Sorry. That's not possible. Unless you intend to finish your working day within 2 hours (including travel time). You let me down Sydney.

 Sydney get your sh*t together ok? I just want to be friends. 

 See you in the new year (with all the other sydney wankers).

 Cheers

 Jacinta Coelho xx





























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