The most common stalker situations that we hear of usually involve women with psychotic ex partners who cannot come to terms with the fact that the relationship has ended. They try to assert control over their ex partner by financial restraint, stalking them, use their children as leverage and can even try to get their ex partner sectioned. In many cases of domestic violence this is the norm.
Events like White Ribbon day and awareness campaigns about domestic violence have helped educate the general public to make them aware of the possible signs of domestic violence.
Women who claim they have been stalked by their ex partners are being taken (a little) more seriously, but I still think we have a long way to go..
Some of the true stories I have heard about stalking are truly jaw dropping and more often than not the sagas have gone on for years and years. I admit that I was quite shocked by some of the things I've heard. Particularly by how the stalker's obsession begins and their mindset. A lot of stalkers were not even in 'real' relationships with the victims.
The victims were not people that you'd expect to have stalkers (i.e like celebrities), they were just ordinary people going about their day.
Most of the stories involve the victim's life being turned upside down by the stalker and despite taking measures such as informing the police, not much appeared to have been done and the scars that remain on the victims are poignant.
Karen from Brooklyn, New York fell over while she was walking down the street and happened to make eye contact with the wrong person, Carlito. A lonely man from the Philippines. She made the error of reluctantly accepting a coffee from him. Her crime? She felt sorry for him. Needless to say things took a turn for the worse. Although it should be noted that she is very lucky to be alive and to be able to speak of her experiences. The same cannot be said for a lot of victims.
What happens in the rare incidences when men get stalked?
One stalker case I heard about resonated something with me. What made it different was that it involved a female as the stalker and a man as the victim which is unusual. The victim worked as a lawyer in his own practice. He happened to take on a female client who was about to be sectioned under the mental health legislation in the US.
He successfully defended her and prevented her from being sectioned (ironically by the end he probably wished that she had been sectioned). She sent him a thank you letter. Now at this stage he was not alarmed by it as it was not too unusual for clients to send thank you letters.
It always starts with the little things..
From that point she sent several more letters despite him not acting for her anymore.When he didn't acknowledge the letters she proceeded to call his office, approximately three times a week.
Not only did she call his office with no purpose to the phone calls but the sheer frequency of the phone calls increased the point where no other phone calls could actually get through to his office at all! (what?!).
When the obsession started to escalate, she became increasingly deluded and believed that she was having an affair with him despite him never visiting her or having any contact with her.
When he chose not to respond to her, she became infuriated and made an allegation that he had raped her to police. The claim got thrown out of court because the time and date she alleged the rape had occurred he was in another state.
At the time this occurred, in particular US jurisdictions, if a person made an allegation against you it went on your record even if the case was not proven. Later down the track when he was married and wanted to adopt a child, he could not due to his record. You could see that he was emotionally devastated by it. So even years after the event, his stalker still affects him.
She still calls him to this day...
The sad thing about his particular case was that it was never taken seriously, firstly because the laws were not sophisticated enough to acknowledge stalking as a crime.
Secondly, the stalking was not taken seriously because he was a man being stalked by a woman.
I was having a conversation recently at a get together with a male friend who divulged that he recently broke up with his girlfriend (his girlfriend was originally from the US). I was quite surprised as I only saw them together less than a month ago and all seemed well. They were hugging, laughing and she was friendly towards me and his other friends.
They had originally met through his work (don't sh*t where you eat, but thats another point).
He was happy to chat about his experiences in the lead up to the break up. He said that she became quite obsessed and possessive of him. For example he was not allowed to hug or chat too long with his female friends. Knowing this friend, I can honestly say that he is not the flirtatious type. He does not linger around women.
She decided to end things with him and go back to the US. He agreed that it was the best thing for her to do as the relationship was not working out. He could not deal with her possessiveness.
After she moved back to the US things got a little strange...
The phone calls started.
He informed me that she had left 300 voicemails on his phone that day (what?!). She had sent him copious amounts of emails at work. The voicemails and emails ranging from pleading and trying to salvage their relationship to anger and abuse.
When that failed she then started to call his friends..and reached into his wider circle.
He has a work conference coming up where his ex girlfriend will be. Since they work together (reminder: don't sh*t where you eat people).
A red flag went up in me as it sounded eerily similar to the relationship between Jodi Arias and Travis Alexander. They also met through work and she obsessively called and stalked him for years. A shiver went down my spine as I recalled how that ended. Travis's only crime? being indecisive with a deranged psychotic woman.
I warned my friend that he should inform HR about what has occurred and to monitor the situation and not take it lightly.
Men I cannot stress this enough, never ever underestimate a woman.
Women can kill and stalk too.
You are slightly disadvantaged (the only time I will say this about men) because no one will see them as a 'real threat' to you. Do not be indecisive when you call it quits with a woman you believe is not mentally well. Stick to your guns and make note of what is occurring. Do not simply ignore and procrastinate behaviour that is getting out of hand. While you cannot prevent everything, at least you've brought it to someone's attention.
photo: Jodi Arias and Travis Alexander
Events like White Ribbon day and awareness campaigns about domestic violence have helped educate the general public to make them aware of the possible signs of domestic violence.
Women who claim they have been stalked by their ex partners are being taken (a little) more seriously, but I still think we have a long way to go..
Some of the true stories I have heard about stalking are truly jaw dropping and more often than not the sagas have gone on for years and years. I admit that I was quite shocked by some of the things I've heard. Particularly by how the stalker's obsession begins and their mindset. A lot of stalkers were not even in 'real' relationships with the victims.
The victims were not people that you'd expect to have stalkers (i.e like celebrities), they were just ordinary people going about their day.
Most of the stories involve the victim's life being turned upside down by the stalker and despite taking measures such as informing the police, not much appeared to have been done and the scars that remain on the victims are poignant.
Karen from Brooklyn, New York fell over while she was walking down the street and happened to make eye contact with the wrong person, Carlito. A lonely man from the Philippines. She made the error of reluctantly accepting a coffee from him. Her crime? She felt sorry for him. Needless to say things took a turn for the worse. Although it should be noted that she is very lucky to be alive and to be able to speak of her experiences. The same cannot be said for a lot of victims.
What happens in the rare incidences when men get stalked?
One stalker case I heard about resonated something with me. What made it different was that it involved a female as the stalker and a man as the victim which is unusual. The victim worked as a lawyer in his own practice. He happened to take on a female client who was about to be sectioned under the mental health legislation in the US.
He successfully defended her and prevented her from being sectioned (ironically by the end he probably wished that she had been sectioned). She sent him a thank you letter. Now at this stage he was not alarmed by it as it was not too unusual for clients to send thank you letters.
It always starts with the little things..
From that point she sent several more letters despite him not acting for her anymore.When he didn't acknowledge the letters she proceeded to call his office, approximately three times a week.
Not only did she call his office with no purpose to the phone calls but the sheer frequency of the phone calls increased the point where no other phone calls could actually get through to his office at all! (what?!).
When the obsession started to escalate, she became increasingly deluded and believed that she was having an affair with him despite him never visiting her or having any contact with her.
When he chose not to respond to her, she became infuriated and made an allegation that he had raped her to police. The claim got thrown out of court because the time and date she alleged the rape had occurred he was in another state.
At the time this occurred, in particular US jurisdictions, if a person made an allegation against you it went on your record even if the case was not proven. Later down the track when he was married and wanted to adopt a child, he could not due to his record. You could see that he was emotionally devastated by it. So even years after the event, his stalker still affects him.
She still calls him to this day...
The sad thing about his particular case was that it was never taken seriously, firstly because the laws were not sophisticated enough to acknowledge stalking as a crime.
Secondly, the stalking was not taken seriously because he was a man being stalked by a woman.
I was having a conversation recently at a get together with a male friend who divulged that he recently broke up with his girlfriend (his girlfriend was originally from the US). I was quite surprised as I only saw them together less than a month ago and all seemed well. They were hugging, laughing and she was friendly towards me and his other friends.
They had originally met through his work (don't sh*t where you eat, but thats another point).
He was happy to chat about his experiences in the lead up to the break up. He said that she became quite obsessed and possessive of him. For example he was not allowed to hug or chat too long with his female friends. Knowing this friend, I can honestly say that he is not the flirtatious type. He does not linger around women.
She decided to end things with him and go back to the US. He agreed that it was the best thing for her to do as the relationship was not working out. He could not deal with her possessiveness.
After she moved back to the US things got a little strange...
The phone calls started.
He informed me that she had left 300 voicemails on his phone that day (what?!). She had sent him copious amounts of emails at work. The voicemails and emails ranging from pleading and trying to salvage their relationship to anger and abuse.
When that failed she then started to call his friends..and reached into his wider circle.
He has a work conference coming up where his ex girlfriend will be. Since they work together (reminder: don't sh*t where you eat people).
A red flag went up in me as it sounded eerily similar to the relationship between Jodi Arias and Travis Alexander. They also met through work and she obsessively called and stalked him for years. A shiver went down my spine as I recalled how that ended. Travis's only crime? being indecisive with a deranged psychotic woman.
I warned my friend that he should inform HR about what has occurred and to monitor the situation and not take it lightly.
Men I cannot stress this enough, never ever underestimate a woman.
Women can kill and stalk too.
You are slightly disadvantaged (the only time I will say this about men) because no one will see them as a 'real threat' to you. Do not be indecisive when you call it quits with a woman you believe is not mentally well. Stick to your guns and make note of what is occurring. Do not simply ignore and procrastinate behaviour that is getting out of hand. While you cannot prevent everything, at least you've brought it to someone's attention.
photo: Jodi Arias and Travis Alexander
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