Anyone who has dated anyone post 2004 most likely has had access to social media. Social media has worked to enhance our connection with people, this constant connection to other people can have its pitfalls, particularly when you break up with your boyfriend or partner.
So lets take a common scenario. You start dating a guy (or girl) you meet their friends and get along very well. You add them on Facebook.
Then the chain of connections begin as all the other friends follow suit by adding you as a friend as well. You take many pictures together, you go out to restaurants and bars together. You like your partner's friends.
Everything is going well....or so it seems.
Then one dreaded day, you decide (or worse its decided for you) that the relationship has come to an end.
You are devastated. Or if you were the dumper you may be having second thoughts about your decision.
The dilemma? you still have your ex on Facebook and their friends and are contemplating whether or not to remove them all.
Is it too harsh?
Does it look like I care too much if I delete them all?
At the age of 22 I had asked myself these questions after a sad break up. I failed to remove the ex and his friends because I was too proud to admit defeat. How could I let him think that I cared enough to delete him? Won't his friends think I am a little bit mean deleting them? After all they had done nothing wrong. Removing any of them would only prove that I was not over it.
However, the only valid question you should be asking yourself is this:
What is going to work for my mental health right now and help me move on?
If you are a curious person and are your own worst enemy, you will find out of boredom that you inevitably check your ex's page and their friends only to see a photo of your ex out and about.
It stings doesn't it?
While you may be well aware that your ex will be moving on, it's different when the evidence is right in front of you. Instead of being blissfully unaware and moving forward, by seeing this photo you have now pulled yourself two steps back. Some people are disciplined enough to refrain from looking, but I'm not one of them. Just like if junk food is in my house, it will get eaten. The only time it will not get eaten is if I do not buy it from the grocery store. But hey, that's me.
You may decide to post a 'look at me I'm so hot/look what you are missing out on' photo in response.
Again not particularly helpful (I know many women, including myself guilty of this error).
Exhibit A....after 50 attempts
It may be satisfying in the short term, particularly if they 'like' it. In the end there is most likely a reason you split up and no amount of photos are going to change that, it just gives false hope. If you are deeply affected by the break up, you may spend the rest of your day analysing the 'like' or comment they made.
If however, the break up was a mutual decision and neither of you were emotionally invested in the relationship keeping the ex on your Facebook may not be an issue (although slightly awkward initially).
Now about the friends...
Often you may not have any issue with them personally but in the majority of cases they will always be loyal to your ex as they were friends with them first. There is also the risk that they will post photos out and about with your ex. The kind of photos you do not want to see. If you are worried about offending them by the removal, you can always explain to them that you are removing them as friends but it's nothing they have done. It is merely to give yourself some space to move on. They should be able to understand this.
Another thing to remember is that just because you remove your ex and their friends from a social media platform does not mean it is set in stone. You can always add them again at a later time when you are 100% over it and ready to be friends. Facebook is full of people that we do not give the time of day in real life. Why pretend that being on a Facebook list is an authentication of friendship?
The point is you need to be true to yourself. What is going to help you move on? Don't kid yourself that you are ok with seeing your ex on social media if you are not. It is detrimental in the long run. Its like opening a wound every second day and expecting it to heal. Then the months can turn into years. What should have taken 3 months to get over, turns into a year.
A clean break is what you need to truly get over a relationship. At least in my experience. I made the decision to remove my ex and his friends and wished I had done it sooner.
So lets take a common scenario. You start dating a guy (or girl) you meet their friends and get along very well. You add them on Facebook.
Then the chain of connections begin as all the other friends follow suit by adding you as a friend as well. You take many pictures together, you go out to restaurants and bars together. You like your partner's friends.
Everything is going well....or so it seems.
Then one dreaded day, you decide (or worse its decided for you) that the relationship has come to an end.
You are devastated. Or if you were the dumper you may be having second thoughts about your decision.
The dilemma? you still have your ex on Facebook and their friends and are contemplating whether or not to remove them all.
Is it too harsh?
Does it look like I care too much if I delete them all?
At the age of 22 I had asked myself these questions after a sad break up. I failed to remove the ex and his friends because I was too proud to admit defeat. How could I let him think that I cared enough to delete him? Won't his friends think I am a little bit mean deleting them? After all they had done nothing wrong. Removing any of them would only prove that I was not over it.
However, the only valid question you should be asking yourself is this:
What is going to work for my mental health right now and help me move on?
If you are a curious person and are your own worst enemy, you will find out of boredom that you inevitably check your ex's page and their friends only to see a photo of your ex out and about.
It stings doesn't it?
While you may be well aware that your ex will be moving on, it's different when the evidence is right in front of you. Instead of being blissfully unaware and moving forward, by seeing this photo you have now pulled yourself two steps back. Some people are disciplined enough to refrain from looking, but I'm not one of them. Just like if junk food is in my house, it will get eaten. The only time it will not get eaten is if I do not buy it from the grocery store. But hey, that's me.
You may decide to post a 'look at me I'm so hot/look what you are missing out on' photo in response.
Again not particularly helpful (I know many women, including myself guilty of this error).
Exhibit A....after 50 attempts
It may be satisfying in the short term, particularly if they 'like' it. In the end there is most likely a reason you split up and no amount of photos are going to change that, it just gives false hope. If you are deeply affected by the break up, you may spend the rest of your day analysing the 'like' or comment they made.
If however, the break up was a mutual decision and neither of you were emotionally invested in the relationship keeping the ex on your Facebook may not be an issue (although slightly awkward initially).
Now about the friends...
Another thing to remember is that just because you remove your ex and their friends from a social media platform does not mean it is set in stone. You can always add them again at a later time when you are 100% over it and ready to be friends. Facebook is full of people that we do not give the time of day in real life. Why pretend that being on a Facebook list is an authentication of friendship?
The point is you need to be true to yourself. What is going to help you move on? Don't kid yourself that you are ok with seeing your ex on social media if you are not. It is detrimental in the long run. Its like opening a wound every second day and expecting it to heal. Then the months can turn into years. What should have taken 3 months to get over, turns into a year.
A clean break is what you need to truly get over a relationship. At least in my experience. I made the decision to remove my ex and his friends and wished I had done it sooner.
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